Friday, August 7, 2009

Stupid Lady

"Karen," my teacher with the mustache says, "can you come to the front?" I slink to the front of the room. Some of the other kids are laughing, but then my teacher grabs the long pole that she uses to pull down the maps sometimes, and slaps it against the blackboard. WHACK!

Everyone shuts up.

She motions for me to go into the hall and I stand just outside the door near the cubbies. She's squinting her eyes again and looking at some of the kids before she walks into the hall to talk to me. I notice a woman walking towards us. She's wearing a really nice pale blue skirt, like the kind that the ladies on TV wear when they work in a fancy office. And she has nice shoes.

She walks over to us.

"Karen," says my teacher, "this is Ms. so-and-so from the Ministry. She has some tests that she'd like you to do for her."

I groan. Not more tests! This is so unfair. All the other kids are gonna have recess soon!

"After recess, right?" I say. But my teacher gives me her squinty eyes, and so, I look down at my shoes for a moment so I don't have to look at her.

"Hi Karen," the lady says, and bends down to make eye contact with me. I like her. She's a lot nicer than my teacher. "It's nice to meet you. Don't worry. The tests are more like games. They might be fun -- and it shouldn't take too long, alright?"

I nod. She seems nice.

The boys in the class begin to giggle and so my teacher runs back into the classroom to yell at them. We stand there for a moment, but then my teacher waives for us to go from inside the classroom; and so, I walk with this nice lady towards the Principal's office.

"You're not in trouble," she says to me nicely. "You did really well on your ministry exam, so we just want to give you a few more puzzles."

"Why?" I ask her as we go past the Secretary's desk and head towards the back rooms. I've never been here before...there's a kitchen. And a television! "Look at that!" I say and point to the tv. She laughs and motions me into a room that looks like a boardroom...except it's tinier.

"Why?" I ask her again. She tells me that when kids score really well on the tests, they want to do more tests.

"Now, let's begin." she says. She grabs a stopwatch and places some blocks in front of me. Each of the blocks have pictures on them. She asks me to arrange them in order.

"In order?" I ask her.

"Yes, in order." she says and starts the stopwatch.

"Like, from start to finish? Because if you go like this..." I say as I arrange the blocks in one order, "the story could be that the dad was coming home late, and his wife was angry, but then they sit down for dinner with the kids, and now everyone is happy. Or..." I say as I rearrange the blocks in another order, "the dad came home, but then halfway through dinner he has to leave, and then he does, and now the wife is angry." I say. I don't think the woman is being very clear with me. "So, which story do you like?" I ask her.

She stops her stopwatch and asks me if I can see any other stories. I tell her yes, but only if I had different pictures. So, she grabs different pictures from other puzzles, and I begin to put them in the story and tell her what I see. Then I rearrange them and tell her another story. And another.

She laughs. I think she really likes my story telling. The recess bell rings and I can hear the kids out in the playground. I don't mind though. I'm having fun.

"OK", she says "let's try another game." And so, she gives me a picture and then spills little wooden blocks like the Scrabble pieces in front of me. She tells me I have to make the picture as best as I can with the lines on the Scrabble pieces. She asks me if I'm ready, and I nod my head yes, and so...she starts the stopwatch again.

I look at the picture for a moment. It looks like lots of stars inside of lots of triangles, inside of lots of other squares. I like this game. When I was in kindergarten and the teacher wanted to punish me, she would send me to the corner where the pink chair was and I'd have to sit in it. But, when she would do story time, the story time chair was too far away for her to see -- and when she wasn't looking I would sneak out of the pink chair. Behind the time-out chair was a shelf with a yellow bucket and it had all the shapes in it, and I would play with the little pieces like the blue square, and the green triangle, and the tan diamond, and the yellow hexagon; and I would make pictures on the floor because I was lonely and bored.

So this game is easy for me, because I used to do it when I was a little kid.

"Done!" I say. She smiles, and tells me I did good. There's another game. And another. And another. I'm getting tired...and a little hungry. I hear the lunch bell go now and I wish I could grab a sandwich from my Garfield lunch box.

"I'm hungry. It's lunchtime" I say. She tells me that we're almost done. So now, I do the games quicker because I want to play tether ball...or maybe swing on the jungle gym. But I don't want to play these stupid games with this stupid lady anymore because it is soooo booooring.

"Come on, Karen. You're doing great. Now, read this passage and tell me what it means."

She makes me do this over and over and over again. Sometimes it's a doctor telling people about his research. Sometimes it's a story about a couple and they are not getting along. I read it, but then she tells me to tell her what it means. And I don't understand why I have to do this, because I just read it to her? Maybe this lady is stupid? So I have to think of a way to explain it to her so she will understand. I try and do this quickly -- but she points to words and asks me what they mean; and I have to explain it to her.

I'm getting hungry! I want to play tether ball!

"I want to go outside for lunch!" I yell at her. She tells me that she has one more puzzle for me and then we're done.

"Why do we have to do this, it's so stupid!" I tell her.

"It's not stupid, Karen. It's important." she says to me and reaches for another puzzle.

"But why? I don't care about this stupid stuff! It's so boring!!! I WANT to PLAY with my friends!!!" I tell her. Why is this lady so stupid?

"Karen," she says to me nicely. I so-so like this lady, even though she makes me do stupid puzzles all the stupid time, "It's important because we are trying to figure out what school to put you in."

"I like this school. Why do I have to go to another stupid school?" I tell her. Why is this lady so mean to me?

"Because," she says "you have the reading comprehension of a University student." she tells me.

"So?" I say to her, and look out the window to see if I can see any of my classmates.

"Karen!" she says to me, "You're only 8 years old!"

What does that matter? I don't wanna go to University! I wanna go to my cubby and get my lunch and see if Mummy put the cheese and crackers with the red stick that I like. I hate this stupid woman and her stupid stupid puzzles. I hate stupid University!!!

But then, the lunch bell rings.

I start to cry.

I didn't get to play tether ball today!!!



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