Monday, August 10, 2009

The Pitch Bitch

"Hi, I'm Karen." I say and extend one hand to the girl sitting across from me. She keeps her arms crossed and stares straight ahead; so I take a seat.

"Nice to meet you," I say with a half whisper. This is probably going to be the longest five minutes of my life.

We sit there in awkward silence for about 10 seconds. It's pretty obvious that no matter what I pitch her, she won't be interested. It's a beautiful sunny day in LA -- and it's a Saturday. So, no doubt, her being one of the lower ranking production execs in her company, has forced her to be here -- and listen ad nauseam to newbies pitching bad movie ideas to her for the next 8 hours straight.

Why would I be any different?

"Do you have a name?" I ask. I've already decided this isn't going anywhere and we both will have to make the most of the allotted interview time. I figure the least she can do is extend a little common courtesy ~ make the most of her drawing the short straw at the office...and maybe be open minded to the fact that the person sitting across from you could quite possibly have the holy grail of scripts.

"Jessie." she says. Without barely moving her lips. Her eyes are dead. She has bad hair. I don't like her. Maybe it's her father's company and she has no choice but to be here? Or maybe she was having an affair with the boss and got a little too needy and so this was her punishment? Or maybe...she's just a miserable bitch.

"OK then..." I say and whistle quietly.

This could quite possibly be the worst pitch encounter of all-time.

Jessie is not in the mood.

"What do you have for me?" she finally says in a dull monotone and rolls her eyes before I've even begun.

I watch her for a moment. I wonder what her life is like? Why someone living and working in Hollywood can be so friggen miserable? And so, I begin:

"Do you have any regrets?" I ask her.

"Excuse me?" she says defensively.

"Regrets," I say "you know...have you ever lost a loved one in the midst of a bad fight? Or a said something that you wish you could take back -- but couldn't?"

We stare.

I wait her out. It's an old director's trick. Silence can be awkward ~ even for Jessie.

"I guess..." she says. I think she's slightly curious.

"Well, that's what this movie is about..." I say, and begin to tell her the plot. The sagas, the trials, the twists and turns. She's intrigued, and I even think I see a little colour coming to her face. At the end of the meeting she takes my information and tells me she'll be in touch. I'm pretty sure I'll never hear from her again. She has no real power from what I could tell.

But, I was happy with my ability to hook her with interest -- considering she had all her walls up from the get go.

And so, I make my way over to my next meeting with Warner Brothers. This time with nothing but full and complete confidence.

No one can be more difficult to pitch to than Jessie. And if I can put a little colour in her cheeks at the end of it all ~ then I might actually have a snowball's chance in hell of getting my foot in the door with one of these studios.

I hope...



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