Slight Consciousness

Where am I?

My throat is dry, but I can feel tape on my lip and I know that there is some sort of tube going down my throat.

My breath is stale.

I try to open my eyes, but I can't. I can hear voices coming from the next room...or hallway. They're muffled.

I try to speak, but my mouth won't open. I'm too weak.

Someone enters the room. A moment later I feel them wrapping some sort of fabric around my arm. They're taking my blood pressure.

I try to make a sound, but it's useless. I still can't open my eyes.

A moment later, they leave. I hear them scribble something on a clipboard, and then drop it back into some sort of slot at the end of my bed.

I'm in a hospital...

A long time passes before I hear more voices. I'm tired. My heart hurts. There is a pain in my chest that travels down my left arm. I feel dizzy, then nauseous, then tired.

I think I fall asleep again for a while.

***

When I wake up, there is a man's voice talking to someone beside me. I try to speak again, but I can't.

I still can't open my eyes.

"...major hemorrhaging," I hear the man's voice say.

Is that why I'm here?

I try to speak; but nothing comes out. I realize I can't move my head -- or my arms. I'm tired. The pain in my heart happens again, then travels down my left arm. I feel weak, then nauseous.

I drift away...

..."Slow down, baby" he says.

We're driving on the I-90, and there's a state trooper ahead. I push the brakes; but a bit too suddenly -- and so, I jerk the car. He doesn't seem to notice, but simply readjusts in the passenger seat and falls back asleep. I turn down the radio and open the car window to let in the cool night air; hoping it will keep me awake. I'm tired, but I want to enjoy this moment for what it is. Peaceful. Perfect. Just me and him, driving along.

Crickets are chirping...

...and I'm sitting beside the pond. My Fisher Price radio falls into the pond because I was leaning too far over to see the fishies. A moment later I fall in...it's dark in here -- and there is very little light. Where is Mummy? I don't know how to get to the top! I don't know how to swim!

I see my radio floating in front of me. I reach my hand out to grab it, but then something yanks me and I'm pulled out. I cough and cough and cough.

"Karen! Are you alright?!" Mummy yells at me, as she takes off my wet sweater and brushes back my hair.

"I'm sorry, Mummy. I was trying to see the fishies!" I cry.

"You have to be careful," she yells but then kisses my forehead...

..."What happened?" I say to Consuela. We're sitting cross-legged hovering in the air above my comatose body.

"I iz don't know!!" cries Consuela. She grabs a hanky from her sleeve and begins to dab her eyes.

I stare down at my lifeless body and notice a white string that attaches me to it. I'm still alive; sort of.

"What do you mean you don't know!?" I yell at her, "You're suppose to be WATCHING OVER ME, remember? That was the deal! You take care of me, and I work on making a comfy life for us, huh?"

She cries even louder. Snot runs down her nose, and she blows it again into her soggy hanky.

"Knock it off!" I say, and begin to survey the room.

Funny, how I'm here knocking on Death's doorstep and there's not a soul in sight. Not a card or a flower.

I obviously matter to no one.

"MIA!" Consuela wails, "Dis iz NOT Good!"

I reach my hand out to comfort her, but she's too busy sobbing into her hanky to notice.

"But Consuela," I say softly, "what good am I doing here if no one cares?" I try to rationalize with her -- but it's no use. A moment later, I feel the tears start to well in the bottom of my eyes.

Nobody cares that I'm here. I didn't matter to anyone.

My heart hurts, and then the pain travels down my left arm. I feel weak, then nauseous. Then tired.

"I'm so tired," I say to Consuela. She nods.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore," I say.

Consuela sobs even louder. The white rope begins to tug at me, and I slip back towards my body.

The last thing I manage to see before I re-enter, is the heart monitor...the lines wiggle slightly; and as I slip back into my coma, I see a dead straight line start to travel across the scree--