Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Me the Bee?

I missed my pilates class this morning and decided to kick back and watch a little television before hitting the gym. The weight loss is going a little slower than I'd like it to; which means I have to hit the treadmill today. So as I prioritized various reality tv shows (as a means to delay the inevitable) a funny thing happened: a bee flew into my room.

I had left the patio door open to get some fresh air and I guess it got steered off-course. In any case I did what any rational 32 year old woman would do: I leapt from my bed and ran screaming from my bedroom. As I recouperated in the living room, I made a mental note that should I ever be bludgeoned to death by a stranger in my apartment -- it would go unnoticed. Apparently my screams disappear into the cement walls and/or fall on the deaf ears of my elderly neighbors.

In any case, I tiptoed back into my bedroom and made eye contact with the bee. There we were: face to face like two gunslingers waiting for the other to make a move. I stepped closer. It didn't move. I stepped a bit closer. It still didn't move. I realized that I might have the upper-hand in this situation. I walked over to the window and began to shake the blind that it was resting on. It flew in the opposite direction that I was hoping for: behind the blind and against the window. I raised the blind to gage the situation and there it was -- poor helpless soul bashing it's body against the window with all it's might; not getting to the outdoor scenery it so desperately needs to be a part of.

I saw myself in this bee. Too stupid to realize that the easy route is often the most complicated. Should it stay there it would surely die. But despite this, it is mesmerized by the scenery in front of it - not fully recognizing the fatal barrier that separates it from the outside world.

The smart thing would be to take the scary route -- back away from the sunny outdoors and have faith in itself that there is a another way out. Sure it may be dark and lonely at times -- there are windowless rooms in my apartment and the layout can be convoluted -- but there is an open door far far away that has all the answers.

So I watched the bee fruitlessly bash itself against the window in sheer desperation -- not accepting the reality of the situation. And I hoped as I got myself together to go to the gym -- that it would have enough courage to go back the same way it blindly came in -- along a longer and more difficult path. I hoped it would believe in itself enough to realize that it is capable of making it out -- as long as it would let go of the hope that the window will provide anything it is looking for.

And as I left for the gym I said a little prayer for the bee -- because when I am blindly bashing up against my own windows, it would be nice to know that someone would be hoping for the best for me.



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