I'll have a...

"Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?"

Why do they always say that? Can I take your order? I dunno...can you?

"Yes, I'd like a happy meal and a..."

She cuts me off.

"I'm sorry Ma'am. I can't hear you. Can you pull up your car a bit closer?"

I take my foot off the brake and inch forward. This time I take off my seat belt and lean further out the window.

"I'll have a happy meal and a McHusband", I say louder.

"What would you like with your McHusband?" she asks.

"I'd like extra Rich, a side of Generous, hold the arrogance. Do you guys still have the McHusbands that come with good morals?"

She pauses. "Ma'am...it's my first day. I'll have to ask my manager. One second".

I drum my fingers on the steering wheel while I wait for her to return.

She returns, "Uh, ma'am, my manager says they usually don't do that -- the good morals was last years special -- but he'll make an exception for you because we still have a few in stock".

Great! "I'd also like a side of integrity, accountability, and honesty. Dependability. Hold the immaturity. If you have any extra packets of sweetness and sincerity; I'd love those too. And if you can; well done." I think I've covered everything...

"Will that be all ma'am?" she asks through the speaker.

"I think so", I say.

"Let me repeat your order: you'll have one happy meal and one McHusband; extra rich, a side of generous, good morals, integrity, accountability, honesty, and dependability. Hold the arrogance. No Immaturity. Extra packets of sweetness and sincerity. Well done."

"Yes, that's correct".

"Ma'am, would you like to supersize that?" she says.

"What exactly is supersized?" I ask.

"We supersize the sides that come with the McHusband; since you passed on the immaturity and arrogance we can throw in reliable if you like".

"Sure, that'd be great! Supersize him!" I say with a big smile on my face.

She continues.

"Your total comes to: two nervous breakdowns, 35 pleasant but going-nowhere relationships, one gigolo, two mild but curable STDs, 4 near bankruptcy's, and a mild depression. How would you like to pay for that?"

"Do you accept credit cards?" I ask.

"I'm sorry. We only accept years off your life," she replies.

"Very well", I sigh. It seems worth it.

"Ma'am. Drive through to window number two. Your order will be ready momentarily. Thank you for choosing McDonalds and have a pleasant day".