Love is a choice?

I used to work with someone who was absolutely convinced that if women didn't get married and have a family by their mid-thirties that they would become mentally ill.

I'm not joking.

He believed that women were created to give love and to nurture, and if for some reason, that hasn't happened by the time their eggs start to dry up -- they will lose it.

"Elabourate", I said one day -- needing to see where this train of thought would go. We sat there in an edit suite taking a break from work. This was more important.

"It's true!" he insisted. He then went on to say/list how he had known of all these women who were great girls but couldn't find the right guy and then in their late thirties they just lost it -- they'd become really eratic.

Now here's the catch. Television (my industry) attracts a lot of excentric types. So the pool of women working in the industry would be more excentric/crazy than most other industries. It's not the most random sampling of 'stable' women -- myself (at times) included. But I listened to what he had to say because this editor was a bit of an idiot savant. He would ramble for hours about various non-sensical theories and then in the midst of all the verbal diarrhea -- he would say something so astute and profound that it would change the way I viewed the world. I knew this to be the pattern, so I was waiting for it.

Amidst the ramble of how I was on a path to losing my mind -- there was (eventually) going to be a nugget that I could actually take with me.

So I sat there and listened to 'this story' and 'that story' about women who didn't fulfill their biological potential and their mind gave up on them. Intriguing? Absolutely! Warranted? Probably not. I listened as he warned me of how bonding with someone would make me a better person -- and how living for children will save my life. I actually did agree with him on these points (on a spiritual level) but they weren't the nugget I was looking for.

So I waited. And he rambled. I looked out the window at the construction across the street and pondered how much the sky-line must have changed in the last fifty years. The rambling ensued.

And then it came -- as it always does. His proverbial truth that spoke right to my core.

"Take my wife for example," he said. I perked up. I always recognized when the dynamic of the conversation shifted from whimsical to pertinent. Coelho called them omens. I like to think of them as truths. A universal truth that speaks to all of us -- when we hear it, we know that it has merit. "I chose to love her".

There it was.

"Explain that to me", I said.

He got hyper -- almost agitated by my ignorance. Had I not been following his ramble? "I chose to love her. Love is a choice. You think that you're going to meet that perfect person, and things will just mesh? Nah... no no. Love is a choice. You choose to love the person you're with -- because believe me -- we had our problems and she's a real pain in the ass. But I chose to love her because in doing so it makes me a better person. And from that: we are a better couple".

And there you had it. The savant had once again painted a master piece. The mental instability he was referring to in the women who didn't follow their true life's path (according to him) was actually a by-product of them being too afraid to love. Too afraid to take a chance on that imperfect person in front of them. And vice versa I suppose.

He was right. Love is a choice. Time and again I had seen many a man/suitor choose not to love me -- for whatever reason. To fall in love with someone is the easy part. To stay in love with them requires faith and maturity -- a belief that you both will lean on each other and not let the other one fall regardless of the number of boring nights in front of the tv.

He chose to love his wife -- and in doing so became a man; and fulfilled (in his opinion) his life's true purpose on an emotional level. And, as we turned back to finish the work we were doing he re-iterated, in case my silent reflection was indicative of me not understanding:

"And", he said with a smile on his face, "it was the best choice I ever made".