A Simple Conversation

I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day. We sat on her couch and chit chatted about everything and nothing. At one point we got on the topic of happiness. Specifically, how other people affect it. There we were -- two friends who have had our ups and downs over the past twenty years -- just having an innocent conversation on a rainy afternoon. But at this particular moment - the words and conversation began to speak some sort of proverbial truth that shook me to my core.

We were at odds.

These are the conversations that I love because they mold you. They shape you. They make you flex your self-awareness and break through to the next level of consciousness.

The conversation centred around whether or not people can make you happy. I knew the right answer (psychologically) was that people can not make you happy: no one is responsible for your emotions.

Could you imagine a legal system that allowed for emotional responses as a verifiable excuse? There is a reason they call it temporary insanity: because being emotional (and not rational) albeit, a very human condition, is not an acceptable excuse for bad behaviour.

I could just see the legal proceedings now:

Judge: "Mr. Manson, just why is it you brainwashed all these people into helter-skelter murderous hysteria?"

CM: "Well, it's because I FELT like it".

Judge: "Ah...I see. Very well then. I rule not guilty".

Now, I'm being slightly hypberbolic but that is quite possibly the extreme of what happens when we let our emotions dictate our circumstances.

Yes -- people (more specifically, their actions) can make you feel a plethora of things; happy, sad, angry, mad, hurt, jealous, spiteful, etc. But how you act on them, and moreover, what you chose to tollerate is completely up to you.

Now -- this is easier said than done. Trust me. I fall victim to my feelings every chance I get.

So there we are having a conversation and my friend said the most profound statement: "Yes, people can make you feel certain things. People can make you happy...or not".

And I got it. I finally got it. That simple statement was a window to my next level of self-awareness. Eckhart Tolle step aside, I need to pass.

So as Deepak Choprah gave me a boost, I levied up to the window and fell out head first to my next phase of growth. It was exhilerating. I stood up, dusted myself off and looked around at my new surroundings with all the benefits of that wonderful vision that only hindsight can provide.

Yes, people can make you happy or sad. My friend was right. And because I knew her inside and out I believed that she believed that. It's something we have all experienced.

But here is where I had my "aha" moment and high-fived Oprah as I walked away from the window.

Are you ready?

In the realm of psychological idealism no one should have an affect on you. But that is near-most impossible because we are emotional creatures. So the "aha" that I got from this conversation was this: if someone is having such a profound affect on your life that it is affecting/controlling your emotional state then you need to do one of two things. You can change your emotional state, rise above it, and find something else to fill that gap. Or, you can look that person square in the eyes and say: you are not going to do this to me anymore. And if you do -- I will leave.

You should never be a victim to your circumstances. And, if someone is keeping you in that emotional place -- where you are weak -- then you need to get strong. And if, after voicing your concerns from a stronger place they still don't comply, then you need to do the thing none of us likes or wants to do. You need to accept that you can never change anyone else. That change is from within and that you can only change what you will or will not tollerate. And sometimes, you just need to walk away.