So now what?

Have you ever woken up not knowing who you were...I mean really not having a clue about who you are? Well, that was me this morning. After tossing and turning most of the night I resigned to start the day with yet another hangover. Somehow through the gaze of sleep deprived eyes I realized that my life, thus far, is a joke. Not "ha ha" funny - but a conglomeration of misery and disappointment none-the-less. I threw the covers off my bed and stood up. Looked in the mirror: still fat. Fatter than I want to be - but well on my way to slimming back down again (I hope -- oh, God! I really do hope so this time). I am a cliche, it seems. 32, single, and overweight. Those are my boxes (for now).

Sigh. Another deep one: Sigh.

So it seems that at this very moment I am having an existential crisis. How deep. How pathetic. Who am I? Can anyone really answer that question? Female, oldest daughter, a writer, brown hair, hazel eyes. But those are all just labels - classifications of who I am on a superficial level. Deep DEEP down, what am I? I can't label that. So I'm walking around now zombie-like from the fatique of a restless night and frustrated that I'm in this place to begin with.

Sigh.

Must create an action plan: Go to gym. Hit the sauna to sweat out excess toxins. Come home. Shower. Go to look for a bike. Price a dehumidifier. Come home. Get ready for a dear friend's birthday dinner. Go to dinner (perhaps with new bike?). Come home. Try and get a good nights sleep. Reflect on the person I want to be.

That's an okay plan for now.